Heart of the Matter

Thursday, May 7, 2009

sex toy wish list

So sextoys.com is having a contest where they are giving away $1000 worth of sextoys away!
All you have to do is post your wishlist in a blog and let them know!
Here are the contest rules!

But anyways, here's what I would spend $1000 on!

1. Madame Butterfly 2 ($43.89) - I've always wanted to try one of these. I like the position this toy allows you to be in!
2. Men's Pleasure Wand ($33.49) - If I could find a guy who would let me use one on him, I'd be a happy lady.
3. Fetish Fantasy Love Lounger ($174.99) - This seems like it wouldn't disappoint at all! Looks like so much fun! And it also comes with 3 dildos, hot wax candle, and ITS REMOTE CONTROL!
4. Fetish Fantasy Inflatable Tilt Master ($53.49) - This could spice up a sex life, and make a threesome fun!
5. Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit ($49.99) - Because anal is my favorite, this offers a wide selection of anal fun.
6. The Realistic Cock ($49.89) - I definitely have had a dry streak lately, and I suppose I could deal with the dry streak with this. It suctions to a surface, so you can have fun with it. Not to mention, its 8 inches!
7. Feeldoe More ($122.99) - WOW. I'd like to use this on a girl. Instead of a strapon, one end would go inside of me and the other in the girl. Its like having a dick, which I've always wondered about. And also, it vibrates! GIMME GIMME GIMME.
8. Janine's Ultra Harness ($67.19) - I've ALWAYS wanted a strapon. Use it on both sexes!
9. Latex Boobless Top ($44.99) - I could look like a dominatrix in this, and I have nice boobies that would look good in this!
10. Wanda's Fresh Green Anal Dildo ($55.89) - Not only does it looks cool, but I bet it would feel amazing.
11. Anal Mini Tongue Vibrator ($51.49) - I have never really add my ass licked, but to get used to the feeling, I'd like to try this.
12. Flexi Felix Silicone Anal Beads ($37.89) - I had to throw away my anal beads when I moved. And I like these because they have hooks for your fingers.
13. Vibrating Nipple Clamps ($35.49) - I love to have my nipples played with. Its easier to use this then lick my own nipples.
14. OhMiBod Music Driven G Vibrator ($68.89) - I've seen this around alot! And with all the hip hop music I listen to, this would make a fun masturbatory session!
15. Silent Rocket ($32.99) - for when I need to be quiet :)
16. Hitachi Magic Wand ($58.10) - I've heard many good things about this!

Grand Total of: 981.74

Hope I Win!

Friday, April 17, 2009



this is me right now.
there's alot of things i wish for:
  • first of all, intimacy..although i haven't had sex in months, i just wish to be intimate with someone. talking about silly things in bed, kissing, holding hands, cuddling.
  • someone to appreciate me
  • my own home to make my own

and its funny, i have guys tell me all the time: "i'm sure you're get alot of attention." or "i'm sure you there's a million guys out there who would love to love you."

but that's not the case.

there's a million guys out there who would love to hook up with me. i'm a fun girl.

i want more.

Monday, April 13, 2009


i wonder if i'm ever going to hear back about my application.

i'm nervous!

let it go

for years, i've carried alot of anger, frustration, and hurt with me. from abandonment issues, to trust issues, it seems like all of it piles on. my last relationship added more of all three in my life. before i met fred, i dealt with my problems with alcohol, weed, and sex. all of those are three fun things, but now that i'm without them, i'm face with the realization that its time for me to move on and start a new me. LET IT GO. but i don't know where to start.
after 7 months, one would say i should be over the breakup. however, i'm not really. he was everything i had...when something funny happens, or exciting, he's the first person i want to tell. i still wake up in the middle of the night and expect him to be right next to me. i hate him most of the time for what he did to me, yet i think about him all the time.
so my question is, how do i let him and all of my hurt and anger go?


do you ever feel like you're waiting impatiently for something..
to happen in your life.
i'm at a point like that right now.
i feel like something big is going to happen, but i just want it to happen now!

Sunday, April 12, 2009


so lately i've come upon some interesting sites. needless to say, i have alot of free time. but here's one of my favorites:

weheartit.com has some pretty pictures

I'd like an apartment like this:

i guess i'm just looking for inspiration these days.
i feel a little lost. in fact, i've been lost for about 7 months.