this.

wishing.

this is me right now.

there's alot of things i wish for:

• first of all, intimacy..although i haven't had sex in months, i just wish to be intimate with someone. talking about silly things in bed, kissing, holding hands, cuddling.
• someone to appreciate me
• my own home to make my own

and its funny, i have guys tell me all the time: "i'm sure you're get alot of attention." or "i'm sure you there's a million guys out there who would love to love you."

but that's not the case.

there's a million guys out there who would love to hook up with me. i'm a fun girl.

i want more.

application

i wonder if i'm ever going to hear back about my application.

i'm nervous!

let it go

for years, i've carried alot of anger, frustration, and hurt with me. from abandonment issues, to trust issues, it seems like all of it piles on. my last relationship added more of all three in my life. before i met fred, i dealt with my problems with alcohol, weed, and sex. all of those are three fun things, but now that i'm without them, i'm face with the realization that its time for me to move on and start a new me. LET IT GO. but i don't know where to start.

after 7 months, one would say i should be over the breakup. however, i'm not really. he was everything i had...when something funny happens, or exciting, he's the first person i want to tell. i still wake up in the middle of the night and expect him to be right next to me. i hate him most of the time for what he did to me, yet i think about him all the time.

so my question is, how do i let him and all of my hurt and anger go?

waiting

do you ever feel like you're waiting impatiently for something..

anything..

to happen in your life.

i'm at a point like that right now.

i feel like something big is going to happen, but i just want it to happen now!

inspiration.

so lately i've come upon some interesting sites. needless to say, i have alot of free time. but here's one of my favorites:

weheartit.com has some pretty pictures

I'd like an apartment like this:

i guess i'm just looking for inspiration these days.
i feel a little lost. in fact, i've been lost for about 7 months.